Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The argument that milk and dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease the risk of Osteoporosis is spurious since it fails to acknowledge certain crucial assumptions.
Initially, the author mentions that osteoporosis can be caused due to environmental factors or it may be a congenital defect in people. However, if osteoporosis is inherited by an infant genetically, there are always chances of fractures and other bone defects.
More so, the claim provides the results of a long-term study on a large number of people and reports that people who consumed a diet rich in dairy products have a higher rate of fractures than those who don’t. Here the argument fails to proffer sufficient statistical information that bolsters the claim. Also, the fact that the ages, economic background and ethnicity of people involved in the study is not known. Had the writer considered furnishing data about the above mentioned categories, the flaws would not have been there to begin with.
On the other hand, there could a number of other factors to the higher rate of bone fractures reported in the study. The people who consumed dairy products may have been in frequent accidents rather than those who did not. Or, the folks who did not incorporate enough dairy in their diet may be healthier in general than others because they did exercises and involved in other physical and strength training.
The argument contains inferences which cannot be substantiated with the data provided by the author. Hence, it fails to make a cogent case in proving its conclusion.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
the arguments are not right on the point. read a sample:
https://www.testbig.com/gmatgre-essays/milk-and-dairy-products-are-rich…
----------------------
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: ? out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 11 15
No. of Words: 259 350
No. of Characters: 1283 1500
No. of Different Words: 142 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.012 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.954 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.711 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 90 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 68 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 55 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 30 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 23.545 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 10.552 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.909 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.364 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.68 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.051 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 5, column 65, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...des the results of a long-term study on a large number of people and reports that people who cons...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 7, column 346, Rule ID: DID_BASEFORM[1]
Message: The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: 'exercise'
Suggestion: exercise
...in general than others because they did exercises and involved in other physical and stre...
^^^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, hence, however, if, may, so, in general, to begin with, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 10.0 19.6327345309 51% => More to be verbs wanted.
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 7.0 11.1786427146 63% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 13.6137724551 81% => OK
Pronoun: 13.0 28.8173652695 45% => OK
Preposition: 32.0 55.5748502994 58% => More preposition wanted.
Nominalization: 4.0 16.3942115768 24% => More nominalizations (nouns with a suffix like: tion ment ence ance) wanted.
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 1330.0 2260.96107784 59% => More number of characters wanted.
No of words: 258.0 441.139720559 58% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.15503875969 5.12650576532 101% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.00778971557 4.56307096286 88% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.77874269642 2.78398813304 100% => OK
Unique words: 144.0 204.123752495 71% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.558139534884 0.468620217663 119% => OK
syllable_count: 412.2 705.55239521 58% => syllable counts are too short.
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 1.0 4.96107784431 20% => OK
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 0.0 1.67365269461 0% => OK
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 12.0 19.7664670659 61% => Need more sentences. Double check the format of sentences, make sure there is a space between two sentences, or have enough periods. And also check the lengths of sentences, maybe they are too long.
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 41.3780000591 57.8364921388 72% => OK
Chars per sentence: 110.833333333 119.503703932 93% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.5 23.324526521 92% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.41666666667 5.70786347227 130% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 2.0 5.25449101796 38% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 3.0 8.20758483034 37% => More positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 7.0 6.88822355289 102% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.67664670659 43% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.136688243909 0.218282227539 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0429606939861 0.0743258471296 58% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0548657635893 0.0701772020484 78% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0689560466244 0.128457276422 54% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0456442049912 0.0628817314937 73% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.6 14.3799401198 95% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 12.65 12.5979740519 100% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.78 8.32208582834 106% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 98.500998004 68% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 14.5 12.3882235529 117% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 11.9071856287 76% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.