Milk and dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium—substances essential for building and maintaining bones. Many people therefore say that a diet rich in dairy products can help prevent osteoporosis, a disease that is linked to both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bones to weaken significantly with age. But a long-term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed dairy products throughout the years of the study have a higher rate of bone fractures than any other participants in the study. Since bone fractures are symptomatic of osteoporosis, this study result shows that a diet rich in dairy products may actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.
The author in the argument states that milk and dairy products rich in vitamin D and calcium- substances essential for building and maintaining bones, therefore many people say that a diet rich with dairy products can help to prevent osteoporosis. But a long- term study of a large number of people found that those who consistently consumed the dairy products throughout the year have a high rate of bone fractures than those who consume less. Therefore, he assumes that a diet rich in dairy products actually increase, rather than decrease, the risk of osteoporosis. To make his argument valid a reasonable meticulous analysis should be done.
Firstly, he assumes that dairy products are rich in vitamin D and calcium- substances that can help to prevent osteoporosis. He also says that this disease is linked with both environmental and genetic factors and that causes the bone to weaken significantly with age. He should provide many pieces of evidence to make his argument valid. If this disease actually linked with genetic and environmental factor then the dieting of dairy products doesn’t significantly affect for prevention of osteoporosis. Another thing about this statement is that fact-based on most relevant data like medical journal report, etc then the author's assumption is valid otherwise invalid.
Secondly, he provides evidence that those who consume dairy products significantly throughout the year are more likely to have bone fractures than those who consume less. So, he fails to provide the source of the data, reliability of the survey, the number of peoples considered in the survey. Therefore, without providing this essential evidence the argument is doubted with several questions and cannot be valid.
Thirdly, it is unclear that bone fractures are caused only by more consumption of dairy products or due to other several reasons. So, without examining thoroughly we cannot say that these fractures are only by more consumption of dairy products. The other factors like hard-working, due to malnutrition, unhealthy diet practice also play a vital role in osteoporosis. Therefore, without analyzing clearly it is impossible to say that more bone fractures are mainly due to the overconsumption of dairy products.
In sum, the argument above is rife with holes, and to make the argument valid and reasonable above doubts should be cleared and meticulous analysis should be done.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 17 15
No. of Words: 384 350
No. of Characters: 1984 1500
No. of Different Words: 170 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.427 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.167 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.812 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 147 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 119 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 82 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 50 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.588 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.971 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.824 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.357 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.357 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.143 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 275, Rule ID: LARGE_NUMBER_OF[1]
Message: Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use 'many' or 'numerous'
Suggestion: many; numerous
...osteoporosis. But a long- term study of a large number of people found that those who consistentl...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 466, Rule ID: AFFECT_EFFECT[1]
Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...of dairy products doesn’t significantly affect for prevention of osteoporosis. Another thi...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 2, column 623, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ke medical journal report, etc then the authors assumption is valid otherwise invalid. ...
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, firstly, if, second, secondly, so, then, therefore, third, thirdly, another thing
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 16.0 19.6327345309 81% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 11.1786427146 116% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 13.6137724551 125% => OK
Pronoun: 33.0 28.8173652695 115% => OK
Preposition: 51.0 55.5748502994 92% => OK
Nominalization: 16.0 16.3942115768 98% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2034.0 2260.96107784 90% => OK
No of words: 383.0 441.139720559 87% => More content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.31070496084 5.12650576532 104% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.42384287591 4.56307096286 97% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.8905080603 2.78398813304 104% => OK
Unique words: 169.0 204.123752495 83% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.441253263708 0.468620217663 94% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 648.0 705.55239521 92% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.59920159681 106% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 5.0 8.76447105788 57% => OK
Subordination: 1.0 2.70958083832 37% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 5.0 4.22255489022 118% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 17.0 19.7664670659 86% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 41.2796187048 57.8364921388 71% => OK
Chars per sentence: 119.647058824 119.503703932 100% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.5294117647 23.324526521 97% => OK
Discourse Markers: 6.41176470588 5.70786347227 112% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.25449101796 57% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 3.0 4.67664670659 64% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.402163837598 0.218282227539 184% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.135910678987 0.0743258471296 183% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.176600386248 0.0701772020484 252% => The coherence between sentences is low.
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.204694117536 0.128457276422 159% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.176433887401 0.0628817314937 281% => More connections among paragraphs wanted.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 14.8 14.3799401198 103% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 40.69 48.3550499002 84% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 13.1 12.197005988 107% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.81 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.19 8.32208582834 98% => OK
difficult_words: 84.0 98.500998004 85% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 12.3882235529 113% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 66.67 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 4.0 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.