Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
Modern world is fraught with instances of marketing gimmicks. Selective usage of statistics and deliberate omission of underlying assumptions, all to establish a coveted image has become a commonplace phenomenon. This image is very soon monetized for the benefit of the marketeer. The consumer of such advertisements, the common people, are the only losers in the whole process. Dance schools are not an exception for sure. Pirouettes Ballet School's claim of being a 'clear choice' is also marred with multifarious unanswered questions and unsubstantiated assumptions. The higher number of successful students doesn't say anything about the relative success of the whole student community. Also, the performances by teachers does not necessarily translate into higher learning output of their students. This is true even if we assume that teachers of other school are not as good as that of Pirouettes, which is again an assumption, asking for an empirical validation.
Firstly, higher absolute number of successful students doesn't necessarily mean higher relative success. Relative success is a better measure for the efficacy of teaching of any school as is takes into account the whole student community. For instance, Pirouettes may place hundred students annually at coveted dance companies, more than any other school, but it is possible that the student intake at Pirouette is ten thousand making the placement percentage to be the meagre 1 %. It is possible that other dance school may place lesser number of students at top dance companies but commands a better success rate. Hence, the likelihood of a new student to be successful would be higher in that school over Pirouettes.
Secondly, success of teachers may not translate in better student performances. It is possible the teachers at Pirouettes prioritize their own performances over teaching. On the other hand, there could be other schools that focus more on pedagogical aspects. New students would be better off opting for such schools. We can learn from universities, Hoover institute at the Stanford university is primarily as research think tank, and it also has a small public policy program. While Hoover is world famous for its research, the program per se is no where in the global ranking.
Thirdly, even for the time being we assume that teachers' performances has spill-over effect on the teaching aspect as well, the argument is silent on the relative performance of Pirouettes teachers over others. It is possible that the teachers of other schools hav also performed brilliantly at high places. It is important to establish that relative performance of the school to claim that is is better than other.
In conclusion, the claim that students should opt for Pirouettes over other schools sounds just like a marketing gimmick, as such a claim hinges on many assumptions and questions that Pirouettes have conveniently chosen not to answer. Relative performance of the students is a more nuanced metric to measure the quality of teaching input given to the students. Also, the standalone performances of Pirouettes teaches doesn't buttress the argument as it lacks the comparative understanding of the abilities of Pirouettes teachers vis-a-vis teachers of other schools.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
flaws:
also need to argue:
Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child.
Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program,
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Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 26 15
No. of Words: 516 350
No. of Characters: 2683 1500
No. of Different Words: 234 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.766 4.7
Average Word Length: 5.2 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.88 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 215 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 162 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 127 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 76 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 19.846 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.16 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.577 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.287 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.463 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.081 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 609, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...he higher number of successful students doesnt say anything about the relative success...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 56, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
... absolute number of successful students doesnt necessarily mean higher relative succes...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 274, Rule ID: NODT_DOZEN[1]
Message: Use simply: 'a hundred'.
Suggestion: a hundred
...ity. For instance, Pirouettes may place hundred students annually at coveted dance comp...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 357, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[8]
Message: The proper name in singular (Hoover) must be used with a third-person verb: 'institutes'.
Suggestion: institutes
... We can learn from universities, Hoover institute at the Stanford university is primarily...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 547, Rule ID: NOW[2]
Message: Did you mean 'now' (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
Suggestion: now
...for its research, the program per se is no where in the global ranking. Thir...
^^
Line 8, column 254, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'schools'' or 'school's'?
Suggestion: schools'; school's
... is possible that the teachers of other schools hav also performed brilliantly at high ...
^^^^^^^
Line 8, column 392, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: is
...performance of the school to claim that is is better than other. In conclusion,...
^^^^^
Line 11, column 418, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...lone performances of Pirouettes teaches doesnt buttress the argument as it lacks the c...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, first, firstly, hence, if, may, second, secondly, so, third, thirdly, well, while, for instance, in conclusion, on the other hand
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 30.0 19.6327345309 153% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 12.9520958084 62% => OK
Conjunction : 6.0 11.1786427146 54% => More conjunction wanted.
Relative clauses : 14.0 13.6137724551 103% => OK
Pronoun: 27.0 28.8173652695 94% => OK
Preposition: 64.0 55.5748502994 115% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2750.0 2260.96107784 122% => OK
No of words: 513.0 441.139720559 116% => OK
Chars per words: 5.36062378168 5.12650576532 105% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.75914943092 4.56307096286 104% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.9569526828 2.78398813304 106% => OK
Unique words: 238.0 204.123752495 117% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.463937621832 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 838.8 705.55239521 119% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 7.0 4.96107784431 141% => OK
Article: 9.0 8.76447105788 103% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 2.70958083832 74% => OK
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 26.0 19.7664670659 132% => OK
Sentence length: 19.0 22.8473053892 83% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 51.8186985054 57.8364921388 90% => OK
Chars per sentence: 105.769230769 119.503703932 89% => OK
Words per sentence: 19.7307692308 23.324526521 85% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.38461538462 5.70786347227 94% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 8.20758483034 195% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 6.88822355289 44% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.282037815885 0.218282227539 129% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0778019718346 0.0743258471296 105% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0573542186361 0.0701772020484 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.163248016701 0.128457276422 127% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0329678955779 0.0628817314937 52% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.7 14.3799401198 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 52.19 48.3550499002 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 7.1628742515 123% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 13.81 12.5979740519 110% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.43 8.32208582834 101% => OK
difficult_words: 125.0 98.500998004 127% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 7.0 12.3882235529 57% => Linsear_write_formula is low.
gunning_fog: 9.6 11.1389221557 86% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 11.9071856287 118% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.