"We recommend that Monarch Books open a café in its store. Monarch, having been in business at the same location for more than twenty years, has a large customer base because it is known for its wide selection of books on all subjects. Clearly, opening the café would attract more customers. Space could be made for the café by discontinuing the children's book section, which will probably become less popular given that the most recent national census indicated a significant decline in the percentage of the population under age ten. Opening a café will allow Monarch to attract more customers and better compete with Regal Books, which recently opened its own café."
This is the recommendation of the author to the popular Monarch book store about opening a cafe which will augment the footfall of customers by eliminating children’s book section. This is a suggestion based on recent national census reports which are baseless due to the lack of data, statistics and incisive report. Moreover, a suggestion is given for competing in another book store called regal which is useless and unviable.
Firstly, the monarch book store is extremely popular and esteemed among others. Book store had the experience of years of customers and their choices. Book stores have a myriad genre of books with the popular collection. Proposal for opening a cafe is not so productive to increase the footfall in the cafe in addition to it this proposal can degrade the ambiance of reputed book store more with hygiene problem and quality of space which is the pride of the book store. Opening the cafe inside the book store may affect the regular planning, circulation and might perturb the awry of the book store.
Secondly, the reason for the decrease in the footfall of people is not given so, there might be an enormous fact behind it. Moreover by removing the space of children section will be more detrimental to the book store even if the survey report is done. The national census numbers are maybe on the average value and not on the specific numbers or branch of the book store. Hence there is a paucity of statistical and analytical data that might bolster the proposal. There are might be several factors that are directly or inversely proportional to decline or incline on irrefutable parameters.
The author’s suggestion is given for competing other book store called as regal. But changing in the plan of and program might not be a valid solution to compete. There is no clue or mention in the statement that other book store having the similar facility like a cafe, another book store might be more reliable on enhancing their quality of books, staff and overall ambiance of space. So there is no specific evidence of ameliorating the footfall due to the cafe therefore, the proposal of the cafe is not germane.
In totality, this is just a suggestion without any haruspication or prescience of events which might happen later and results more detrimental to the Monarch bookstore. There should be incisive proofs, pieces of evidence, or case studies that might be useful to buttress the author's recommendation with incisive case papers and live examples. Therefore, without any of the statistical and logical data, implementing the author's suggestion is highly risky and invalid.
Comments
e-rater score report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 4.0 out of 6
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 438 350
No. of Characters: 2140 1500
No. of Different Words: 194 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.575 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.886 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.613 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 154 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 127 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 80 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 37 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 21.9 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 8.561 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.5 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.338 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.338 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.07 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 1 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 3, column 124, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Moreover,
...re might be an enormous fact behind it. Moreover by removing the space of children secti...
^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 373, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: Hence,
...ic numbers or branch of the book store. Hence there is a paucity of statistical and a...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 275, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...es that might be useful to buttress the authors recommendation with incisive case paper...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 420, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'authors'' or 'author's'?
Suggestion: authors'; author's
...ical and logical data, implementing the authors suggestion is highly risky and invalid....
^^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
but, first, firstly, hence, if, may, moreover, second, secondly, so, therefore, in addition
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 27.0 19.6327345309 138% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 13.0 12.9520958084 100% => OK
Conjunction : 21.0 11.1786427146 188% => OK
Relative clauses : 9.0 13.6137724551 66% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 12.0 28.8173652695 42% => OK
Preposition: 55.0 55.5748502994 99% => OK
Nominalization: 23.0 16.3942115768 140% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2184.0 2260.96107784 97% => OK
No of words: 438.0 441.139720559 99% => OK
Chars per words: 4.98630136986 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.57476223824 4.56307096286 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.68666269166 2.78398813304 97% => OK
Unique words: 198.0 204.123752495 97% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.452054794521 0.468620217663 96% => OK
syllable_count: 710.1 705.55239521 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.6 1.59920159681 100% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 3.0 4.96107784431 60% => OK
Article: 6.0 8.76447105788 68% => OK
Subordination: 0.0 2.70958083832 0% => More adverbial clause wanted.
Conjunction: 2.0 1.67365269461 119% => OK
Preposition: 2.0 4.22255489022 47% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 20.0 19.7664670659 101% => OK
Sentence length: 21.0 22.8473053892 92% => OK
Sentence length SD: 47.6939199479 57.8364921388 82% => OK
Chars per sentence: 109.2 119.503703932 91% => OK
Words per sentence: 21.9 23.324526521 94% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.55 5.70786347227 80% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 6.0 8.20758483034 73% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 6.0 6.88822355289 87% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 8.0 4.67664670659 171% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.244980831854 0.218282227539 112% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0842636842473 0.0743258471296 113% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0686964505144 0.0701772020484 98% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.142807065821 0.128457276422 111% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0779305015383 0.0628817314937 124% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.0 14.3799401198 90% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 50.16 48.3550499002 104% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 11.5 12.197005988 94% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.66 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.93 8.32208582834 107% => OK
difficult_words: 118.0 98.500998004 120% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.0 12.3882235529 65% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.4 11.1389221557 93% => OK
text_standard: 12.0 11.9071856287 101% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.