Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Famous entertainers and athletes deserve to have more privacy than they have now. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:-40.5pt;text-align:justify">it goes without saying that in our today’s modern world, thanks to the advanced technological breakthrough in all the sectors including media industry, famous people due to the nature of their careers are seen via variety of media, such as TV, newspapers and social media. however, recently, there has been an active controversy among many people over the very notion that whether the celebrities lives should be seen everywhere, by everyone or not. Although it is a bit hard to reach a consensus on this issue, I personally adhere to the fact that it is better that celebrities have a reasonable control on the sharing materials which would be seen by citizens. The following paragraphs will elaborate more on this issue.
right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:-40.5pt;text-align:justify">To start with, this is incontrovertibly axiomatic that all people have right to leave a peaceful life in society regardless of their career, their social class or their wealth. this primary right, however, is cramped by other citizens when someone become a little popular among others. due to the newest form of media, meaning social media, nowadays, all people has been connected in a highly elaborated network where they can observe each other’s act and react in all the sectors. people like athletes, actors/actress or entertainers whose jobs lead them to be seen, cannot avoid from cameras. but even these sort of characters need as much privacy as we ordinary people need. Because the more they get involved with strangers, the more they will lose calmness and tranquility of their lives. As an illustration, consider a situation in which a very famous actor like Aiden Turner decided to spend his leisure time with his new girlfriend in a little abounded island in order to prevent from curious eyes and lenses. His elaborated plan for a simple trip, however, get ruined by a group of Japanese tourists which co-accidently, chose the same island for summer vacation. they secretly take some photos when our popular actor and his friend are engaging with sunbath in a corner of the beach, unaware of what is circulating in all the social networks like Instagram or Facebook about them. Now the world know about his new relationship. A subject he is really unwilling to share with the world.
right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:-40.5pt;text-align:justify">In another point of view, sharing photos and videos of celebrities’ luxury lives, with a tremendous amount of followers all around the world could have adverse influence on ordinary people as the same. having heavy wages, celebrities took astronomical distance in quality of life from other people. comparing to a moderate worker in a little enterprise who has a subsistence wage, and live in a suburb, an athlete or a singer, for instance, has a wealthy life in the best part of a city, in a large house or mansion. By sharing the details of their possessions and their lifestyle, they transmit an unconscious massage about the single rightful way of life. Then, all the people with every niche in the society, and every level of revenue, will be keen to provide such wealthy life for his family. but when he encounters with the reality of life, he will be disappointed of his monotonous or tedious life. A very sophisticated research newly conducted in some developing countries, indicates that the men and women who engage with following celebrities’ photos and videos in social media, are more likely to get depressed due to the observation of the distance between them and luxuries of celebrities’ lives. Had they not payed attention to famous people, they would have had a happier and more satisfactory lives.
right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:-40.5pt;text-align:justify"> In conclusion, drawing upon the aforementioned reasons, it is more sensible that celebrities have a reasonable control on their privacies on social media. Not only does it have a negative effect on the private life of the entertainers and athletes that their lives be shared with all people around the world, but also, it negatively affect on the quality of lives of ordinary people who compare their unexciting lives with the wealthy life of famous people.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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...uch as TV, newspapers and social media. however, recently, there has been an active con...
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...er, their social class or their wealth. this primary right, however, is cramped by o...
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... become a little popular among others. due to the newest form of media, meaning so...
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...pos;s act and react in all the sectors. people like athletes, actors/actress or entert...
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Suggestion: But
... to be seen, cannot avoid from cameras. but even these sort of characters need as m...
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...en, cannot avoid from cameras. but even these sort of characters need as much privacy as w...
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...se the same island for summer vacation. they secretly take some photos when our popu...
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...unwilling to share with the world. right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:...
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...fluence on ordinary people as the same. having heavy wages, celebrities took astronomi...
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...e in quality of life from other people. comparing to a moderate worker in a little enterp...
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...ovide such wealthy life for his family. but when he encounters with the reality of ...
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...ppier and more satisfactory lives. right:-.5in;margin-bottom:8.0pt; margin-left:...
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Suggestion: affects
...ound the world, but also, it negatively affect on the quality of lives of ordinary peo...
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Message: Did you mean 'effect'?
Suggestion: effect
...ound the world, but also, it negatively affect on the quality of lives of ordinary people...
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Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, however, if, really, so, then, for instance, in conclusion, sort of, such as, to start with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 18.0 15.1003584229 119% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 12.0 9.8082437276 122% => OK
Conjunction : 24.0 13.8261648746 174% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 11.0286738351 172% => OK
Pronoun: 53.0 43.0788530466 123% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 102.0 52.1666666667 196% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 8.0752688172 124% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 3673.0 1977.66487455 186% => OK
No of words: 676.0 407.700716846 166% => Less content wanted.
Chars per words: 5.43343195266 4.8611393121 112% => OK
Fourth root words length: 5.09901951359 4.48103885553 114% => OK
Word Length SD: 4.72547056268 2.67179642975 177% => OK
Unique words: 339.0 212.727598566 159% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.501479289941 0.524837075471 96% => OK
syllable_count: 1129.5 618.680645161 183% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.7 1.51630824373 112% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 11.0 9.59856630824 115% => OK
Article: 5.0 3.08781362007 162% => OK
Subordination: 3.0 3.51792114695 85% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.86738351254 268% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 4.0 4.94265232975 81% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 25.0 20.6003584229 121% => OK
Sentence length: 27.0 20.1344086022 134% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively long.
Sentence length SD: 84.888293657 48.9658058833 173% => OK
Chars per sentence: 146.92 100.406767564 146% => OK
Words per sentence: 27.04 20.6045352989 131% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.08 5.45110844103 75% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 16.0 5.5376344086 289% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 11.8709677419 143% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.147055957111 0.236089414692 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0478698531904 0.076458572812 63% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0407175420655 0.0737576698707 55% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.106945961251 0.150856017488 71% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0324480280187 0.0645574589148 50% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 17.7 11.7677419355 150% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 35.61 58.1214874552 61% => OK
smog_index: 11.2 6.10430107527 183% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 15.0 10.1575268817 148% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 14.51 10.9000537634 133% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.95 8.01818996416 112% => OK
difficult_words: 170.0 86.8835125448 196% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 20.0 10.002688172 200% => OK
gunning_fog: 12.8 10.0537634409 127% => OK
text_standard: 15.0 10.247311828 146% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Write the essay in 30 minutes.
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.