Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Rely too much on the technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children ̓s development.
It is clear crystal that children are the building blocks of each society, so it is compulsory to give notable attention to their development. Among all of the influential factors on the children ̓s growth, the type of entertainment they use is really important. A heated controversial around this issue is whether is good for children to play with simple toys and with their friends or with video games and computers. I am, to a great extent, of the opinion that playing with friends and basic toys would be much more beneficial since in this way they will not get stressful and in the same token, they develop a powerful set of social skills.
The first compelling reason occurs in my mind is that playing with primary toys and with friends in comparison to playing with the technological medium will not cause stress. As a matter of fact, playing with smartphones and computers impose stress because the child is forced to win and if he is not able to be victory and confront with failure, he will blame himself and as a result feel anxious. In other words, he plays in order to become wine not just for getting pleasure. On the contrary, playing with the peers, they experience sheer enjoyment which cannot be conveyed through computer games. According to the results have obtained from large-scale research on a sample of Iranian children, the more computer game use, the more stress, and mental disorders. So this research revealed that playing with technological means has detrimental effects on children ̓s mental health.
The second reason which is meriting some words to say is that playing with computers and smartphones bring about social detachment. As we all know, in the modernized era we are living, the majority of families give birth to one child. The only means of making a relationship with children of the same age is playing with them. So what will happen if the mere apparatus discard? Defiantly, the result will not be satisfying. Therefore, in order to the prevention of social isolation, the parent should provide more opportunity for the playing of their children with their friends than with computers.
All in all, no one can turn a blind eye to the enormous influences of entertainment on the mental development of children. Playing with friends and simple toys would be more practical since there is no detrimental competition which imposes stress and also it is beneficial for learning social skills and broadening social network.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 150, Rule ID: ALL_OF_THE[1]
Message: Simply use 'all the'.
Suggestion: all the
...e attention to their development. Among all of the influential factors on the children ̓s ...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 409, Rule ID: PROGRESSIVE_VERBS[1]
Message: This verb is normally not used in the progressive form. Try a simple form instead.
...discard? Defiantly, the result will not be satisfying. Therefore, in order to the prevention ...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 4, column 332, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
...l skills and broadening social network.
^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, if, really, second, so, therefore, as a matter of fact, as a result, in other words, on the contrary, to a great extent
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 20.0 15.1003584229 132% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 10.0 9.8082437276 102% => OK
Conjunction : 15.0 13.8261648746 108% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 11.0286738351 73% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 28.0 43.0788530466 65% => OK
Preposition: 65.0 52.1666666667 125% => OK
Nominalization: 11.0 8.0752688172 136% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2054.0 1977.66487455 104% => OK
No of words: 416.0 407.700716846 102% => OK
Chars per words: 4.9375 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.51620172871 4.48103885553 101% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.71269325519 2.67179642975 102% => OK
Unique words: 211.0 212.727598566 99% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.507211538462 0.524837075471 97% => OK
syllable_count: 601.2 618.680645161 97% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.4 1.51630824373 92% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 6.0 9.59856630824 63% => OK
Article: 10.0 3.08781362007 324% => Less articles wanted as sentence beginning.
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 8.0 4.94265232975 162% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 18.0 20.6003584229 87% => OK
Sentence length: 23.0 20.1344086022 114% => OK
Sentence length SD: 51.536993785 48.9658058833 105% => OK
Chars per sentence: 114.111111111 100.406767564 114% => OK
Words per sentence: 23.1111111111 20.6045352989 112% => OK
Discourse Markers: 7.33333333333 5.45110844103 135% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 3.0 5.5376344086 54% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 12.0 11.8709677419 101% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 5.0 3.85842293907 130% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 1.0 4.88709677419 20% => More facts, knowledge or examples wanted.
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.342232061381 0.236089414692 145% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.114414393228 0.076458572812 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0926311236589 0.0737576698707 126% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.230078128053 0.150856017488 153% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.047533138539 0.0645574589148 74% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 11.7677419355 114% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 65.05 58.1214874552 112% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.67 10.9000537634 107% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 8.0 8.01818996416 100% => OK
difficult_words: 85.0 86.8835125448 98% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 14.0 10.002688172 140% => OK
gunning_fog: 11.2 10.0537634409 111% => OK
text_standard: 14.0 10.247311828 137% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 76.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 23.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.