Question: Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.Do you think this is a good idea?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
In today's copetitive life, succession and prosperity have a crucial role for all of us. Specially having successful children in school is very meaningful for parents. Hence, some parents believe that it could be sensible to offer the money to their children whenever they succeed in their each rexam. However, I subscribe to the view that it could have adverse effects in children's mentality by changing them to people who just love money and make them conditional toward good behavior. The following paragraphs will elaborate more on this issue.
To begin with, knowledge and welth are two compeletly seprated issues. children who gain money for their good performance in their education will merge these two different concepts. these children will become the people who see the education a ladder for rising in other aspectsof life and gaining welth. they will not be able to choose a field of study to study itself but they choose it to become rich when they pass all the grades and certificates. As a case in point, I want to recount a personal story. About ten years ago my little brother, who were in high school, encouraged by my family to reach to better result in his education. For each of his succetions, they gave him a piece of gold to depsit it on bank for his future. After a while, he notice that it is a very profitable trade for him. Therefore he chang his mind he does not like the education itself but he like gaining money though it.
Another reason why I believe parent sould not follow this treatment is that it become a pattern in children's mind, good grade are equal money. psychologists call it conditionalizing. this is one of the worst method of treatment which is refused by a majority of children psychologists. In a research conducted last year in McGill university in Toronto, the researchers assert that the cosequencies of this kinds of behaviors will have profound and prolonged influences on young children. it make them conditional to good behaviors. In Their adulthood they will always expect some reward for their positive actions.
Drawn upon the aformentioned reasons, offering the school-age children some reward such as money has multifarious negative consequencies. Not only, does it make them confuse two seprated concept of knowledge and welth, but also it make them conditional in their adulthood. Thus it is better for parents to avoid shuch methode of treatment for their children.
Grammar and spelling errors:
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Suggestion:
... To begin with, knowledge and welth are two compeletly seprated issues. children...
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Suggestion: Children
...th are two compeletly seprated issues. children who gain money for their good performan...
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Suggestion: These
...ill merge these two different concepts. these children will become the people who see...
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Suggestion: They
...other aspectsof life and gaining welth. they will not be able to choose a field of s...
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Suggestion:
...better result in his education. For each of his succetions, they gave him a piece...
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Line 3, column 756, Rule ID: HE_VERB_AGR[1]
Message: The pronoun 'he' must be used with a third-person verb: 'notices'.
Suggestion: notices
... bank for his future. After a while, he notice that it is a very profitable trade for ...
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Suggestion: Therefore,
... it is a very profitable trade for him. Therefore he chang his mind he does not like the ...
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Suggestion: Psychologists
...drens mind, good grade are equal money. psychologists call it conditionalizing. this is one o...
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...psychologists call it conditionalizing. this is one of the worst method of treatment...
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...archers assert that the cosequencies of this kinds of behaviors will have profound a...
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Suggestion: It
...prolonged influences on young children. it make them conditional to good behaviors...
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Message: Did you mean 'makes'?
Suggestion: makes
...longed influences on young children. it make them conditional to good behaviors. In ...
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Line 7, column 188, Rule ID: CD_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun 'concept' seems to be countable, so consider using: 'concepts'.
Suggestion: concepts
... does it make them confuse two seprated concept of knowledge and welth, but also it mak...
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Suggestion: makes
...ept of knowledge and welth, but also it make them conditional in their adulthood. Th...
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Suggestion: Thus,
...ke them conditional in their adulthood. Thus it is better for parents to avoid shuch...
^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, but, hence, however, if, so, therefore, thus, while, such as, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 11.0 15.1003584229 73% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 8.0 9.8082437276 82% => OK
Conjunction : 10.0 13.8261648746 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 11.0 11.0286738351 100% => OK
Pronoun: 60.0 43.0788530466 139% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 53.0 52.1666666667 102% => OK
Nominalization: 8.0 8.0752688172 99% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2027.0 1977.66487455 102% => OK
No of words: 410.0 407.700716846 101% => OK
Chars per words: 4.94390243902 4.8611393121 102% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.49982852243 4.48103885553 100% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.76542346205 2.67179642975 104% => OK
Unique words: 221.0 212.727598566 104% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.539024390244 0.524837075471 103% => OK
syllable_count: 630.9 618.680645161 102% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 8.0 9.59856630824 83% => OK
Article: 2.0 3.08781362007 65% => OK
Subordination: 2.0 3.51792114695 57% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.86738351254 54% => OK
Preposition: 6.0 4.94265232975 121% => OK
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 23.0 20.6003584229 112% => OK
Sentence length: 17.0 20.1344086022 84% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 41.5688101049 48.9658058833 85% => OK
Chars per sentence: 88.1304347826 100.406767564 88% => OK
Words per sentence: 17.8260869565 20.6045352989 87% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.52173913043 5.45110844103 65% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 15.0 5.5376344086 271% => Less language errors wanted.
Sentences with positive sentiment : 15.0 11.8709677419 126% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 2.0 3.85842293907 52% => More negative sentences wanted.
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 6.0 4.88709677419 123% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.288626190478 0.236089414692 122% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0781796964502 0.076458572812 102% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0667911636046 0.0737576698707 91% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.187952280081 0.150856017488 125% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0236079155527 0.0645574589148 37% => Paragraphs are similar to each other. Some content may get duplicated or it is not exactly right on the topic.
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.8 11.7677419355 92% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 62.68 58.1214874552 108% => OK
smog_index: 8.8 6.10430107527 144% => OK
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.7 10.1575268817 86% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.08 10.9000537634 102% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.95 8.01818996416 99% => OK
difficult_words: 90.0 86.8835125448 104% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 8.5 10.002688172 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.8 10.0537634409 88% => OK
text_standard: 9.0 10.247311828 88% => OK
What are above readability scores?
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Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 70.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 21.0 Out of 30
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.