Some parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade (mark) they get in school.
Do you think this is a good idea?
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Parents are usually concerned about their children's grade, because they believe it is important to be successful in school, so that become successful in future. They may try to encourage them in different ways. Some of parents offer their school-age children money for each high grade they get in school. However, in my opinion this isn't a very good idea for two main reasons.
The first reason is that the children should know that they are being education for their own good, and not just for satisfying their parents. It is so important that the parents make their children aware of the advantages of education and convince them that they should try as much as they can to be successful in school. For example, I remember a time when an extremely rich father found that I'm an educated person. He came to me and said I have provided my son with everything I thought he may need, but he doesn't study. How should I encourage my young son to study harder? He asked desperately. I was shocked! I told him "Why do you like him to study harder? You are haven't studied and you are still much richer than many who have had." Then I suggested him to talk with his son and actually explain him the reasons why he wants him to study. This experience taught me that encouraging children with offering money isn't very effective.
The second reason is that offering them money to study, would make their character to become selfish and they wouldn't do anything that doesn't have any short time profit for them. There are always many thing in the world that does not bring you any financial profit, but are still important. For instance, love for family and taking care of old parents is something that may not bring you any financial advantages, but they are principles of morality. When you offer children money for everything you want from them, you indeed make them conditional. They would obey you on certain conditions that be beneficial for them. In sum, although many parents, especially the richer ones may think that it can be effective to encourage their children to study by offering them money, I believe that this can have a lot of long-term disadvantages for the children, the parents, and even the society.
Not only will the children think of education to be just for satisfying their parents, but also it can make them selfish and always seeking financial benefits. Parents should think of alternative methods to encourage their children to study.
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 151, Rule ID: IN_PAST[1]
Message: Did you mean: 'in the future'?
Suggestion: in the future
...ul in school, so that become successful in future. They may try to encourage them in diff...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 212, Rule ID: MOST_SOME_OF_NNS[1]
Message: After 'Some of', you should use 'the' ('Some of the parents') or simply say ''Some parents''.
Suggestion: Some of the parents; Some parents
...ry to encourage them in different ways. Some of parents offer their school-age children money f...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 334, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
... in school. However, in my opinion this isnt a very good idea for two main reasons. ...
^^^^
Line 3, column 396, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: I'm
...hen an extremely rich father found that Im an educated person. He came to me and s...
^^
Line 3, column 511, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...verything I thought he may need, but he doesnt study. How should I encourage my young ...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 677, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: haven't
...o you like him to study harder? You are havent studied and you are still much richer t...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 930, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: isn't
...ncouraging children with offering money isnt very effective. The second reason is ...
^^^^
Line 5, column 111, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: wouldn't
...ir character to become selfish and they wouldnt do anything that doesnt have any short ...
^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 136, Rule ID: EN_CONTRACTION_SPELLING
Message: Possible spelling mistake found
Suggestion: doesn't
...lfish and they wouldnt do anything that doesnt have any short time profit for them. Th...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 197, Rule ID: MANY_NN[1]
Message: Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: 'many things'.
Suggestion: many things
... time profit for them. There are always many thing in the world that does not bring you an...
^^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 202, Rule ID: THERE_RE_MANY[3]
Message: Possible agreement error. Did you mean 'things'?
Suggestion: things
... profit for them. There are always many thing in the world that does not bring you an...
^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, also, but, first, however, if, may, second, so, still, then, for example, for instance, in my opinion
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 19.0 15.1003584229 126% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 9.8082437276 163% => OK
Conjunction : 13.0 13.8261648746 94% => OK
Relative clauses : 17.0 11.0286738351 154% => OK
Pronoun: 81.0 43.0788530466 188% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 39.0 52.1666666667 75% => OK
Nominalization: 5.0 8.0752688172 62% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2040.0 1977.66487455 103% => OK
No of words: 428.0 407.700716846 105% => OK
Chars per words: 4.76635514019 4.8611393121 98% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.548423998 4.48103885553 102% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.49917774057 2.67179642975 94% => OK
Unique words: 199.0 212.727598566 94% => More unique words wanted.
Unique words percentage: 0.464953271028 0.524837075471 89% => More unique words wanted or less content wanted.
syllable_count: 623.7 618.680645161 101% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.51630824373 99% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 12.0 9.59856630824 125% => OK
Article: 3.0 3.08781362007 97% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 3.51792114695 114% => OK
Conjunction: 6.0 1.86738351254 321% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 2.0 4.94265232975 40% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 20.6003584229 102% => OK
Sentence length: 20.0 20.1344086022 99% => OK
Sentence length SD: 57.6317577481 48.9658058833 118% => OK
Chars per sentence: 97.1428571429 100.406767564 97% => OK
Words per sentence: 20.380952381 20.6045352989 99% => OK
Discourse Markers: 5.28571428571 5.45110844103 97% => OK
Paragraphs: 4.0 4.53405017921 88% => OK
Language errors: 11.0 5.5376344086 199% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 16.0 11.8709677419 135% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 3.0 3.85842293907 78% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 2.0 4.88709677419 41% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.355014827565 0.236089414692 150% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.115998548427 0.076458572812 152% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.127051635461 0.0737576698707 172% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.24526087173 0.150856017488 163% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.116840142241 0.0645574589148 181% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 11.2 11.7677419355 95% => OK
flesch_reading_ease: 59.64 58.1214874552 103% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 6.10430107527 51% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 9.9 10.1575268817 97% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 10.39 10.9000537634 95% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.1 8.01818996416 89% => OK
difficult_words: 67.0 86.8835125448 77% => More difficult words wanted.
linsear_write_formula: 7.5 10.002688172 75% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.0 10.0537634409 99% => OK
text_standard: 10.0 10.247311828 98% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Better to have 5 paragraphs with 3 arguments. And try always support/against one side but compare two sides, like this:
para 1: introduction
para 2: reason 1. address both of the views presented for reason 1
para 3: reason 2. address both of the views presented for reason 2
para 4: reason 3. address both of the views presented for reason 3
para 5: conclusion.
So how to find out those reasons. There is a formula:
reasons == advantages or
reasons == disadvantages
for example, we can always apply 'save time', 'save/make money', 'find a job', 'make friends', 'get more information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
or we can apply 'waste time', 'waste money', 'no job', 'make bad friends', 'get bad information' as reasons to all essay/speaking topics.
Rates: 66.6666666667 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 20.0 Out of 30
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.