You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

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You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

If a newspaper reveals that, a young lady wins one million dollars in Las Vegas, therefore, it won’t be a surprising news for others. Everybody is accustomed to this news due to its frequent usage. Those good lockers might use this money to buy a car, house or to start a new business for themselves. When I imagine this situation, I will probably buy a business for myself, because buying a business has a venerable position in my opinion besides its profit.

The first aspect that should be taken into consideration is that, running a business can also be found as a charitable movement. By starting a business, even small ones, the manager will make jobs for unemployed workers who have been seeking jobs to make money for their family for a while. Moreover, if bonus for hard working is available for them, they will work harder and longer to get more money and enhance their wage. Not only does this act help workers, but also it makes more profit for the owner of the company which they are working for. Furthermore, running a business would help the total economy of the country to have much more power politically and economically by reducing unemployed rank and intensifying total GDP of a country.

Second, it is overt that buying a business will make more money than just working for other people. The managers of companies get the highest wage. They can use this opportunity to buy an enormous house for their family and make them feel more relaxed at their big house. Also, those managers can afford to buy expensive cars such as BMW or Mercedes-Benz to show off their luxurious lifestyle. More importantly, they can finance private school’s tuition to provide a better condition for their children. For example, the atmosphere in private schools is more applicable for learning than public schools because of those street guys in public school.

In conclusion, it’s a specialized and sophisticated arrangement that buying a business is a suitable choice than just buying a house. First, because it counts as a charitable act. Second, it can provide a better condition and life for my family, especially for my wife to ensure that her only duty is to look after our children and do not worry about making money, finally, its benefit for my children to have an apt situation for studying and be scholar ones in future.

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Average: 8 (2 votes)
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flaws:
Don't need rephrase those reasons in the conclusion.

Attribute Value Ideal
Score: 24 in 30
Category: Good Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 18 15
No. of Words: 404 350
No. of Characters: 1886 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.483 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.668 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.552 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 128 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 98 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 60 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 35 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 22.444 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 9.912 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.722 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.299 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.49 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.091 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 4 5

1. No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2 //it means there are no grammatical errors

2. Try to put three paragraphs:

Para 1: introduction. my choice: A or B. agree or disagree. (suppose we support side A)

Para 2: First, reason 1 (1 sentence) + why reason 1(some arguments. 2-3 sentences) + examples for reason 1 (around 1 sentences) + small conclusions (like advantages of reason 1 or comparisons if not reason 1, 1-2 sentences).

Para 3: Second, reason 2, blabla... do the same thing as First

Para 4: Admittedly, there are some advantages of side B. first,....second...However, there is no causation/realtion... Still I support side A, ....

Para 5: Conclusion.

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3. The conclusion should be simple to summarize the reasons. read TOEFL essays by this user:
http://testbig.com/users/ftn