Pirouettes Ballet School is the clear choice for any child. Of all the dance schools in Elmtown, Pirouettes has the most intensive program, and our teachers have danced in the most prestigious ballet companies all over the world. Many of our students have gone on to become professional dancers with top dance companies.
The prompt suggests that the author is trying to convince that the Pirouettes Ballet School is the best dance school in Elmtown and every children in this area should attend it. The author has reached his conclusion based on the assumption that they have the best syllabus, best teachers and successful alumni. However, the following questions need to be answered for this claim to be reasonable.
First of all, does "the most intensive program" ensure quality? Sure, anyone can print out colorful pamphlets about their program and talk big about how they are offering this and that, but in reality what are the chances of actually executing them? The author did not provide any information on this "extensive" program, so there is no way to tell. But what if, even though they have an extensive program, they have very few students. And due to the shortage of students, they can not run at their capacity. What if, due to lesser demands, they have laid-off some of their teachers as well. Again, there is no data about the distribution of students or teachers. So, if this holds truth, then having an elaborate program does not make a very compelling case.
Secondly, does participation and being actually good at something mean the same thing? For example, someone may attend a singing competition but they are egregious in singing. They may participate in all the competitions in the world and beyond this world if possible, but would it mean they they are good? They may just get rejected everywhere. So being participating and being good does not satisfy the equation. The author presumes that, just because the teachers danced at various competitions, they actually possess the qualities of being a good dancer, which may not be the case here. Again, for argument's sake, let's say they are good. But this does not ensure that just because they are good dancers, they will be good teachers. Teaching is a very delicate process, not everyone can teach. So, if the author can not provide answers for this question, the argument does not hold water.
Then, does going to work for a top company define someone's personal success? The author is very keen in assuming that just because they went to some successful companies, they would actually be successful. The definition of success is very complex and it requires different ingredients. For example, what if they students went their using some of their personal connections. Again, there is no information on the quality of dance training they received. So, they got in there by using personal links and then they are doing a bad job, may be they get fired. The author does not provide any assessment of the performance of the alumni. So to judge a school based on their alumni will not be wise if these assumptions come true.
In conclusion, the author presented a spurious observation on the credibility of the school in the prompt. The reasoning stands faulty and looses coherence rapidly. If the author is able to provide explanations on the aforementioned questions, this may stand out to be a valid claim.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.5 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 32 15
No. of Words: 521 350
No. of Characters: 2472 1500
No. of Different Words: 232 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.778 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.745 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.531 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 161 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 125 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 89 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 48 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 16.281 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 6.201 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.688 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.249 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.432 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.055 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 273, Rule ID: THE_SUPERLATIVE[4]
Message: A determiner is probably missing here: ', the best'.
Suggestion: , the best
...umption that they have the best syllabus, best teachers and successful alumni. However...
^^^^^^
Line 5, column 288, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a word
Suggestion: they
...is world if possible, but would it mean they they are good? They may just get rejected ev...
^^^^^^^^^
Line 5, column 790, Rule ID: WHITESPACE_RULE
Message: Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
Suggestion:
... very delicate process, not everyone can teach. So, if the author can not provide...
^^
Line 7, column 536, Rule ID: MAY_BE[1]
Message: Did you mean 'maybe' (=perhaps)?
Suggestion: maybe
...inks and then they are doing a bad job, may be they get fired. The author does not pro...
^^^^^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
actually, but, first, however, if, may, second, secondly, so, then, well, for example, in conclusion, first of all
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 28.0 19.6327345309 143% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 16.0 12.9520958084 124% => OK
Conjunction : 17.0 11.1786427146 152% => OK
Relative clauses : 8.0 13.6137724551 59% => More relative clauses wanted.
Pronoun: 50.0 28.8173652695 174% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 50.0 55.5748502994 90% => OK
Nominalization: 14.0 16.3942115768 85% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2577.0 2260.96107784 114% => OK
No of words: 521.0 441.139720559 118% => OK
Chars per words: 4.9462571977 5.12650576532 96% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.77759609229 4.56307096286 105% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.72753028545 2.78398813304 98% => OK
Unique words: 247.0 204.123752495 121% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.474088291747 0.468620217663 101% => OK
syllable_count: 776.7 705.55239521 110% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 12.0 8.76447105788 137% => OK
Subordination: 4.0 2.70958083832 148% => OK
Conjunction: 5.0 1.67365269461 299% => Less conjunction wanted as sentence beginning.
Preposition: 1.0 4.22255489022 24% => More preposition wanted as sentence beginning.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 32.0 19.7664670659 162% => OK
Sentence length: 16.0 22.8473053892 70% => The Avg. Sentence Length is relatively short.
Sentence length SD: 34.3813488455 57.8364921388 59% => The essay contains lots of sentences with the similar length. More sentence varieties wanted.
Chars per sentence: 80.53125 119.503703932 67% => OK
Words per sentence: 16.28125 23.324526521 70% => OK
Discourse Markers: 3.5625 5.70786347227 62% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 4.0 5.25449101796 76% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 17.0 8.20758483034 207% => Less positive sentences wanted.
Sentences with negative sentiment : 8.0 6.88822355289 116% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 7.0 4.67664670659 150% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.13565459051 0.218282227539 62% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0375969049104 0.0743258471296 51% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0457464788985 0.0701772020484 65% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.0849836299571 0.128457276422 66% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0559249570341 0.0628817314937 89% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 10.0 14.3799401198 70% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 63.7 48.3550499002 132% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 8.4 12.197005988 69% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.13 12.5979740519 88% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.98 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 117.0 98.500998004 119% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 10.5 12.3882235529 85% => OK
gunning_fog: 8.4 11.1389221557 75% => OK
text_standard: 8.0 11.9071856287 67% => The average readability is low. Need to imporve the language.
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 50.0 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.0 Out of 6
---------------------
Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.