The following appeared in a memorandum from the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of movie-rental stores.
"In order to stop the recent decline in our profits, we must reduce operating expenses at Movies Galore's ten movie-rental stores. Since we are famous for our special bargains, raising our rental prices is not a viable way to improve profits. Last month our store in downtown Marston significantly decreased its operating expenses by closing at 6:00 P.M. rather than 9:00 P.M. and by reducing its stock by eliminating all movies released more than five years ago. By implementing similar changes in our other stores, Movies Galore can increase profits without jeopardizing our reputation for offering great movies at low prices."
In this memorandum,, the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of movie-rental stores, claims that the all stores of Movies Galore have to changing their closing time from 9 P.M. to 6 P.M. to improve the chain's profit, not harming the chain's reputation for offering great movies at low prices. To support her argument, she reports an example of store which changed its closing time and eliminates all stocks which was released before more than five years and says that the store can decrease the operating expenses. And she assumes that raising rental fee is not improper way to make more profit. This argument seems plausible first, however, careful scrutiny reveals that this argument has several logical flaws.
To begin with, based on the fact that the store in Marston changed its operating time and it can reduce operating expenses, the author assumes that reducing operating time can make significant increase in profit. However the action cannot be efficient. Common sense tells us that people usually do cultural life after they come back from work place or schools when it is often after 6P.M. So, this action could be lead the people not to visit the stores. until the author rule out this problem, this argument is groundless.
Secondly, based on the fact that the store in Marston eliminate its stock which have released before more than five years old and its operating cost decreased, the author assumes that not to store the old movies can overall profit of the other store. However, it cannot be true. For example, even if the operating cost decreases, the people who live in Marston prefer to lending old movies rather than new movies, the store's overall income will decrease. If this is true, we cannot be convinced by this argument.
Thirdly, even if we admit that lowering operating expenses could be helpful to financial state of the store, there is another problem. Based on the fact the store can decrease operating costs by doing some remedies, the author assumes that the remedies also effective in other stores of the chain. However, it could not work in other region. Generally, pattern of purchasing items of customers depends on each region. People of one region would prefer old movies or people of another region would prefer new movies or people of other region prefer both of them. If she cannot explain why she thinks conditions of all other stores is similar, this argument is not persuasive.
To summarize, this argument is still dubious as it stands. To make this argument more cogent, the author have to give additional information which indicates that decreasing operating expenses can raise overall benefit of the store in Marston by doing those solutions for bad financial state. To evaluate better, we have to know that why she thinks the solutions in Marston's store will also effective in other stores of the chain.
Comments
Essay evaluation report
Attribute Value Ideal
Final score: 3.0 out of 6
Category: Satisfactory Excellent
No. of Grammatical Errors: 0 2
No. of Spelling Errors: 0 2
No. of Sentences: 20 15
No. of Words: 482 350
No. of Characters: 2323 1500
No. of Different Words: 213 200
Fourth Root of Number of Words: 4.686 4.7
Average Word Length: 4.82 4.6
Word Length SD: 2.254 2.4
No. of Words greater than 5 chars: 176 100
No. of Words greater than 6 chars: 115 80
No. of Words greater than 7 chars: 67 40
No. of Words greater than 8 chars: 38 20
Use of Passive Voice (%): 0 0
Avg. Sentence Length: 24.1 21.0
Sentence Length SD: 13.838 7.5
Use of Discourse Markers (%): 0.7 0.12
Sentence-Text Coherence: 0.33 0.35
Sentence-Para Coherence: 0.514 0.50
Sentence-Sentence Coherence: 0.144 0.07
Number of Paragraphs: 5 5
Grammar and spelling errors:
Line 1, column 19, Rule ID: DOUBLE_PUNCTUATION
Message: Two consecutive commas
Suggestion: ,
In this memorandum,, the owner of Movies Galore, a chain of ...
^^
Line 1, column 126, Rule ID: NEED_TO_VBG[1]
Message: Did you mean 'have to change'?
Suggestion: have to change
...ms that the all stores of Movies Galore have to changing their closing time from 9 P.M. to 6 P.M...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Line 1, column 230, Rule ID: POSSESIVE_APOSTROPHE[1]
Message: Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean 'chains'' or 'chain's'?
Suggestion: chains'; chain's
...rove the chains profit, not harming the chains reputation for offering great movies at...
^^^^^^
Line 3, column 214, Rule ID: SENT_START_CONJUNCTIVE_LINKING_ADVERB_COMMA[1]
Message: Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Suggestion: However,
...an make significant increase in profit. However the action cannot be efficient. Common ...
^^^^^^^
Line 3, column 387, Rule ID: SENTENCE_WHITESPACE
Message: Add a space between sentences
Suggestion: M
...ce or schools when it is often after 6P.M. So, this action could be lead the peop...
^
Line 3, column 456, Rule ID: UPPERCASE_SENTENCE_START
Message: This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
Suggestion: Until
...ead the people not to visit the stores. until the author rule out this problem, this ...
^^^^^
Line 5, column 372, Rule ID: PREFER_TO_VBG[1]
Message: Did you mean 'lend'?
Suggestion: lend
...he people who live in Marston prefer to lending old movies rather than new movies, the ...
^^^^^^^
Line 10, column 293, Rule ID: ENGLISH_WORD_REPEAT_BEGINNING_RULE
Message: Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Reword the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
...hose solutions for bad financial state. To evaluate better, we have to know that w...
^^
Transition Words or Phrases used:
also, first, however, if, second, secondly, so, still, third, thirdly, for example, to begin with
Attributes: Values AverageValues Percentages(Values/AverageValues)% => Comments
Performance on Part of Speech:
To be verbs : 14.0 19.6327345309 71% => OK
Auxiliary verbs: 17.0 12.9520958084 131% => OK
Conjunction : 8.0 11.1786427146 72% => OK
Relative clauses : 19.0 13.6137724551 140% => OK
Pronoun: 47.0 28.8173652695 163% => Less pronouns wanted
Preposition: 58.0 55.5748502994 104% => OK
Nominalization: 10.0 16.3942115768 61% => OK
Performance on vocabulary words:
No of characters: 2386.0 2260.96107784 106% => OK
No of words: 482.0 441.139720559 109% => OK
Chars per words: 4.95020746888 5.12650576532 97% => OK
Fourth root words length: 4.68556276237 4.56307096286 103% => OK
Word Length SD: 2.35021860419 2.78398813304 84% => OK
Unique words: 223.0 204.123752495 109% => OK
Unique words percentage: 0.46265560166 0.468620217663 99% => OK
syllable_count: 743.4 705.55239521 105% => OK
avg_syllables_per_word: 1.5 1.59920159681 94% => OK
A sentence (or a clause, phrase) starts by:
Pronoun: 10.0 4.96107784431 202% => Less pronouns wanted as sentence beginning.
Article: 8.0 8.76447105788 91% => OK
Subordination: 5.0 2.70958083832 185% => OK
Conjunction: 1.0 1.67365269461 60% => OK
Preposition: 9.0 4.22255489022 213% => Less preposition wanted as sentence beginnings.
Performance on sentences:
How many sentences: 21.0 19.7664670659 106% => OK
Sentence length: 22.0 22.8473053892 96% => OK
Sentence length SD: 75.3330022267 57.8364921388 130% => OK
Chars per sentence: 113.619047619 119.503703932 95% => OK
Words per sentence: 22.9523809524 23.324526521 98% => OK
Discourse Markers: 4.61904761905 5.70786347227 81% => OK
Paragraphs: 5.0 5.15768463074 97% => OK
Language errors: 8.0 5.25449101796 152% => OK
Sentences with positive sentiment : 7.0 8.20758483034 85% => OK
Sentences with negative sentiment : 9.0 6.88822355289 131% => OK
Sentences with neutral sentiment: 5.0 4.67664670659 107% => OK
What are sentences with positive/Negative/neutral sentiment?
Coherence and Cohesion:
Essay topic to essay body coherence: 0.175061775506 0.218282227539 80% => OK
Sentence topic coherence: 0.0492883510866 0.0743258471296 66% => OK
Sentence topic coherence SD: 0.0854188160877 0.0701772020484 122% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence: 0.105957166386 0.128457276422 82% => OK
Paragraph topic coherence SD: 0.0693640554875 0.0628817314937 110% => OK
Essay readability:
automated_readability_index: 13.4 14.3799401198 93% => Automated_readability_index is low.
flesch_reading_ease: 57.61 48.3550499002 119% => OK
smog_index: 3.1 7.1628742515 43% => Smog_index is low.
flesch_kincaid_grade: 10.7 12.197005988 88% => OK
coleman_liau_index: 11.73 12.5979740519 93% => OK
dale_chall_readability_score: 7.97 8.32208582834 96% => OK
difficult_words: 99.0 98.500998004 101% => OK
linsear_write_formula: 18.5 12.3882235529 149% => OK
gunning_fog: 10.8 11.1389221557 97% => OK
text_standard: 11.0 11.9071856287 92% => OK
What are above readability scores?
---------------------
Rates: 58.33 out of 100
Scores by essay e-grader: 3.5 Out of 6
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Note: the e-grader does NOT examine the meaning of words and ideas. VIP users will receive further evaluations by advanced module of e-grader and human graders.